The 4th Anniversary of Freedom

Four years ago today, I did a wild thing...or so I thought. I went to work early, called my boss (who was coming in late) and reminded her it was my 90-day review. I then proceeded to spend the entire morning writing and editing a very nice and gracious resignation letter. I smiled as I handed it over to her and told her I would be leaving and heading to Brooklyn for my second summer with Urban Bush Women's Summer Dance Institute. I had no plans, no other job, and not a doubt in my mind that if I worked there one more day, I would surely die. She was pissed and I felt great. I never cried after work again.

The weeks leading up to my decision to leave were tumultuous. I was growing increasingly agitated at the job, and felt worried that I would never have adequate time to develop my dance career. I was overwhelmed, doing the job of 3 people, managing a staff of people who were really like peers, and who didn't take me seriously because the boss walked all over me, and very unhappy. I cried every day after work, feeling so awful for wasting yet another day sorting out papers I could care less about, for a woman who didn't seem to find anything right with me, and who shoved pork ribs in my face because my vegetarianness unnerved her.

The Sunday before I turned in my letter, I stumbled upon a Deepak Chopra talk in Crystal City at the IONS conference. I didn't know who he was; I didn't know he was about to help me see the light like never before. He talked for four hours, and I think tears streamed down my face for 80% of the time. He led us through a series of activities, but the one that was the catalyst of my liberation day was called "Finding your Soul Profile". (If you google him or "soul profile" you can do it too.) So basically, you answer seven questions, and the answers culminate into what is your "Soul Profile." Whenever at a crossroads in your life, you consult your soul profile. You ask the question: is this decision in alignment with my soul profile?" If the answer is "YES", then "success is inevitable." If the answer is "NO" then you'll continue to experience disturbances, unhappiness, and other unfortunate things.

My question at the time was, "Do I stay at this job or go to Brooklyn and get recharged at the creative arts' retreat?" I knew I wouldn't be able to "take-off" work with such short notice. And I knew if I missed the Urban Bush Women, I would regret it deeply. So, I completed my soul profile and asked if remaining at the job I hated was in alignment with my life at the time. The answer was of course, a resounding NO! And I cried from the liberation and relief of knowing that the only way to joy was to leave that place and journey on into new adventures.

Fear...yeah, I was scared. But the way the soul profile works, as long as what you're doing is in alignment with your soul profile, then you will prosper, you will succeed, you will find peace in your decisions. It doesn't matter if you don't know how it's all going to work out, all you have to do is put your faith in motion and the rest falls into place. Since leaving that job, I've been consulting the soul profile process at least once a year, checking in with myself. It works every time.

So, long story short (or you can read the blog history to fill in a lot of the blanks), I quit the office gig, stumbled into some wild, some nice, some not-so-nice dance teaching gigs in DC charter schools, became a figure (nude) model for art classes, went to India with all my savings, lived at home with my family in DC, raised money to go to Bali, volunteered in New Orleans, taught and modeled some more, launched "Open Space Activation" Dance, ran my own summer community dance program in DC, started dancing with women in recovery from drug abuse, began presenting more of my dance projects in the community, became a founding mother of The Saartjie Project, debuted JOYISM! and on and on til now where I am in the heat of an intense summer of youth dance work.

I did not always have a plan, more than two digits in the bank account, or optimism. I did not always believe in myself during this challenging, soul-searching, beautiful four year opening to my independence, but I did always bump into someone or get an email of encouragement or support right at the moment I was gonna back away from my dream and go back to the "safety" of another type of job. How amazing it is now to look back over this journey and taste the sweet relief of freedom everyday. To wake up knowing that I'm pouring my energy into what I believe in is a blessing and I am grateful. I am also happy to share my story with others on the verge of their artistic life liberation. We are all plants growing at our own frequencies. Everyone walks their path at their pace. We reflect things back to each other when we need to. If you are moved to love yourself more and shift into your joy...then do it! What are you waiting for?


(Photos by Elen Awalom 2009)